Pearls Before Swine. Waiting in Action.

I feel like I'm desiccating.

Not that I'm not alive.

Not that I'm sad or depressed.

I'm restless.

I feel like a suped-up car, throttle down, revved up, my wheels spinning into the ground, going nowhere despite how hard I'm pressing the gas.

I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of toiling. I'm tired of putting all of my efforts towards things which don't seem to appreciate the effort. (Matthew 7:6 "...do not throw your pearls before pigs, for they will trample them under feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.")

I feel torn to pieces.

I feel yanked in different directions.

I feel like I can TASTE what I'm supposed to be doing, where I'm supposed to be going, how maybe I should be doing it, and yet stunted for trying to get all the answers now, and to do it my way, on my terms, in my time.

When I was with my friends in Georgia, I felt... whole.

Now, that's a lot to put on some friends. This is me telling them, in the event that they're reading this: I'm not putting that on you. (Though, oh, how I do love and cherish you.)

But I am putting that feeling with being a part of something you believe in, that excites you, energizes you, surrounded by people you love, who feel the same way about it as you do, work for it and towards it just as hard as you do, as you work together to achieve the same or similar goal.

At some point in the last few years, I lost that. I used to have it. Where did it go?

I could blame covid. I won't. Covid has little to do with it. I'll actually thank covid. Praise God for covid even. I know it stole many people's lives and hindered many others and that some even live with long-standing ill-effects (I know several, and I and my husband may even be some of them [to a point]). 

But you have to admit there was something magical about covid-time.

And it wasn't because everyone was forced to work from home (though I'm sure that helped).

The magic?

It stripped away the b.s.

It stripped away the lies we tell ourselves about our time, our desires, our hobbies, our professions, what we want, what we don't, what we should strive for, what we shouldn't, etc.

It showed you what mattered. What (and who) really truly mattered.

And for that I'm grateful for it.

So now what? It's five years post crazy covid time, life has gone through some crazy ups and downs, but I've managed to write and edit and revise one whole book, am actively working on a second, and have working plans for a third (which has two different options itself).

Right before covid hit, the very special group of friends I had all slowly moved away to different regions of the world for various reasons, ironically all within the same year. Then covid hit, and I gained two unplanned wonderful twin cats, and as we approached modern day, I lost my grandfather, lost my two older cats on either side of losing my mom, and lost my grandmother. There were hardships at my husband's work, but now he's being noticed by the higher ups (in a good way). Now, my current cats are happy, healthy, my family is relatively happy and healthy, and we're all currently well managed. Life is peaceful. Life is still.

So why.

Am I so.

Restless?

I thrive on helping others believe in themselves and achieve their goals. I thrive on showing people the goodness of God and showing how to invite Him into their daily lives in ways that are so simple, it's easy to forget about. I used to be enslaved to fear and trauma and anxiety, which only swallowed me during the time I lost my cats and mother (all within three months).

((I do not say this lightly when I say He has delivered me from that fear, anxiety, and even trauma. I am, by the grace of God and the blood of Jesus, healed and blessed and loved and strong and encouraged, and full of true, deep joy (and even had it during the aforementioned trials). I cannot explain the level of freedom I now feel because of this. Jesus truly does save, He truly does redeem, He truly does set free (and I think so many people are more enslaved to things and their emotions and money and fears than they realize).))

The irony is... now I'm restless.

With the previous storm (hah, "storm") receded and the shackles of fear and anxiety removed (like sure, I can have moments like everyone does, but the all-encompassing, choking, action-stunting, OCD-behavior-like anxiety? G.O.N.E.), I feel like now I am ready.

Ready to obey (Christ).

Ready to act.

Ready to go.

Just... ready.

I'm tired of trying to "figure things out" (whatever that really means). I'm tired of second-guessing. I'm tired of bleeding out for situations and people who, like the pigs, just trample all over my efforts and would devour me if I let them (and some of them, I don't even think they realize they're doing it. In fact, I'd say most folks don't realize when they're being the pigs before pearls... Someone's pearl is another's mud pit, I'd say).

So.

This isn't so much as an update, as an encouragement. An invitation.

Stop waiting.

Stop trying to figure it all out.

Stop trying to do things in a way that will cast your pearls before swine. 

I know what God has for me.

I know I'm going to succeed in it, because He's already blessed me, called me, given me the gifts and skills and means. (I'm still working on that patience bit...) He's given me the "shovel," so to speak (to harken to a meme I saw a long time ago). The only thing He hasn't done is dig the hole.

That's my job.

Lately, there's been a lot of me doing "little to nothing" (i.e. working and writing) because I've been trying to be present, focus on the now, and be obedient when God says, "Wait. Not yet. Hold on."

But that's where we mess things up, I think, and get in our own way of not only being obedient, but effective. For God's kingdom, for His calling on our lives, for what we know we want and have the capacity to achieve.

Waiting doesn't mean sit there and do nothing.

I will continue to wait on the Lord.

But by the world's definition? I'm done "waiting."

Time to build those houses. (see below)

I think I'm still on target to finishing the first draft of Jezra in June.

To God be the glory, now and forevermore, and may our ways and our efforts honor Him, for the good of His kingdom, with His timing, to His glory. In Jesus's name, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to the will of the Father. Amen.

God bless,

Jess

--

Jeremiah 29:4-14

This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” 8 Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. 9 They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them,” declares the Lord.
10 This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”