Author J. R. DuBois: Unfiltered

I cried today. It wasn't even 6am. There's a myriad of reasons I could expound upon as possible causes for my tears or the listless toil I've been experiencing, but specifics don't matter. But apparently, I've been like this for a while now. Before opening this draft, I perused the titles of my previous blogs, and there's been a theme, and one I don't like.  I think it comes from suppressing what I know my heart and soul needs in the name of how this world (read: society) defines self-care, rest, and rejuvenation, which often equates to some version of isolation even though, unlike most writers, I'm an avid people-person. (All while admitting that I am still actually human and do need some of that, too.) In short, this definition and chasing-of-the wind (thanks, Solomon) has been negatively affecting my art and my efficacy at work and, if I'm honest, my general state of mind. You know, when Jesus was actively here on Earth doing His Ministry, He woul...

The other day, one of my writer friends said to me, "Stop trying to listen to advice that you know in your heart wasn't for you. Publish the d*mn book. It's ready and so are you." I have to say, it was one of the most loving things someone could have said to me. A lot of folks today cherish encouraging words and actions on the parts of their loved ones and significant others. And I do, too, I suppose, but what I really cherish and value is when they speak truth over me, independent of how it might make me feel in the moment. My book is ready for publication. There is something small I want to tweak in the beginning to decrease the wordcount a bit, and Lord knows I have no cover and haven't formatted it or gotten any ISBN numbers, etc, but I'm holding off on doing so until I finish the first draft of Jezra so I don't mis-represent the characters and bleed the different motivations and personalities across the manuscripts. But. It is still ready. Even as is....

I feel like I'm desiccating. Not that I'm not alive. Not that I'm sad or depressed. I'm restless . I feel like a suped-up car, throttle down, revved up, my wheels spinning into the ground, going nowhere despite how hard I'm pressing the gas. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of toiling. I'm tired of putting all of my efforts towards things which don't seem to appreciate the effort. ( Matthew 7:6 "...do not throw your pearls before pigs, for they will trample them under feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." ) I feel torn to pieces. I feel yanked in different directions. I feel like I can TASTE what I'm supposed to be doing, where I'm supposed to be going, how maybe I should be doing it, and yet stunted for trying to get all the answers now, and to do it my way, on my terms, in my time. When I was with my friends in Georgia, I felt... whole. Now, that's a lot to put on some friends. This is me telling them, in the event that they...

 Howdy Ho! ((Why won't this thing let me post a picture!? It says I have to sign into Google, but I did, dang it.)) Since my previous post, I've had some significant traction, where the creative process goes. I heard back from one agent, but she desired me to cut my words down from 173,000 to 120,000. Give that this story was already going to be a trilogy turned duology turned single book (with series potential), it had already had a plethora of words sliced from it, but I did my best. Instead of 50,000 words, I was able to slice a little more than 11k. Not too shabby, considering there was little I could slice from the plot. I did reach back out to her, but am still awaiting feedback. Additionally, I submitted to the last remaining agents on my list for 2024, and have already received one rejection. I am grateful I was even given an actual rejection, as ofttimes, you are waiting until a certain time passes to know if you were rejected. (Perhaps I shouldn't say YOU, but tra...

How can you rest in the Lord when all you fear is the day His hand will not protect you? Just yesterday, my own struggles were ripped from my chest in such a visceral way that I had to pull over (I was driving). I hadn’t even cried so hard when I watched Mom die. I saw something that took the culmination of the last two years--of the last five deaths (two grandparents, two cats, and my mother), several illnesses and subsequent relational issues, my fear of losing yet another loved one, and the pain of watching the rightness in this world being made wrong--and ripped it out of me. I know people talk about being torn down, about being brought to their knees and rebuilt, but I don’t think folks who haven’t felt that realize what that means. There are no words to that sort of pain. That level of despair. Of hopelessness. If you'd have asked me to stand, I don't think I could have. People like to approach Christians and expect them to have the answer to the problem of evil, only t...

 Hello Conduits. There has been some development in my writing life/the progression of the books. I am all but running head-long into the climax of Book Two when I realized... I want to rework the ending of Book One. Nay, not only do I want to, I must. There are a couple things I realized while writing Book Two, and that is that, at the end of Book One, I made some promises to you readers which will never be fulfilled, given the rest of the story. So I got to scrub some of those. It isn't a big deal, might take me a wee longer than I want it to, but hopefully this back-and-forth gives you some insight into what it really takes to craft a book -- and not just a book, but a well-thought-out, full-fleshed story and characters with a plot and character arcs WHICH MAKE SENSE. So, respect all those books which do just that! Because *that* is the challenge. Anyone can tell a story and hit "publish" on Amazon. But I want to do more; be better. Alright. So, unfortunately, while it...

God said, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." That's His very first commandment. Oh, but we are so GOOD at creating idols, aren't we? Even with the very GOOD gifts He gave us! TLDR: My priorities have been realigned; Book Two is coming along nicely; I'm about to answer the final major question about what's going on with the priesthood amidst the magic system alongside corruption and resistance (super frickin' hard); my CP Angela is helping me greatly finesse COF; I think I've decided to officially self-publish, though the thought grinds my guts about actually making it happen and marketing myself into a decent author platform; and I went to a wonderful wedding of two good friends over the weekend like a mini adult summer camp. TW: Long ramble about how I see/hear/interact with God in my life. So.. bunch of Jesus stuff, but hey. He's around, so what do you expect? So this last week, I had a hard reminder of priorities. It's funny, this wh...