Perspective Breeds Success

I just spent two hours staring at my screen, being distracted by my phone at hard scenes, being distraught that my cats didn't cuddle me as they usually do while I write on rainy days, and for all my trouble, managed to write about 150 words.

(Of course, the moment I start writing THIS, my boys finally want to come cuddle. Praise God. There is something absolutely magical about a cat's purr.)

There's also something absolutely magical about creative flow, when everything just WORKS. Today, I pulled teeth to write a measly 150 words of a scene which I may not keep when I join Nicole for a writing retreat tomorrow at our favorite cafe and creperie, but man, when the Muse starts yammering... I can write thousands of words in the same allotted timeframe, and it. is. magic.

But today. Today, today.

Today's been a decent day. I woke early for work, but not as early as I usually do, so I got to sleep in some, trained some fabulous clients, got a new one started, then jaunted to a neighboring town for a 90 minute massage, met with my contractor (home updates, y'all!), and then sat down to write as depicted above. In a little bit, husband and I will be venturing out for a date night at our favorite sushi joint. From the get-go, this day has been built for success.

And yet...I am tired. I feel exhausted. Lackluster. A little despondent about how hard writing is when I've had days off between sessions (due to various reasons), and I cannot explain how irrationally sad and alone I felt when my cats wouldn't cuddle me (nor how pleased and content I am that they are doing so as I write this... is this codependence? Ha. Ha? dot dot dot)

But other than not exercising (I don't always work out on Fridays anyway), today is the definition of what I'd normally deem a success. And honestly, it still is. My best, most successful days, I usually define as if I've worked out as scheduled (wasn't scheduled, so is fine, but I DID do body stuff with the massage), written (150 words is a pittance, but I showed up to the page), and even (and I know this is a bit cray cray) being able to spend time at home with my cats, preferably outside.

Check, check, check.

So what's the issue?

I do not wish away my days. I do not yearn for one day to end so another can start (you'll run yourself straight into the grave doing that). Even during the hardest days I've thus far experienced, I've never wished them by. And this day, massage aside, is exceptionally similar to some of my most favorite days. So I ask again: what's the difference? (That's a better word than "issue," don't you think?)

Perspective.

I noticed years ago that the biggest difference between my "good" days and "bad" days was however I decided to (or LET myself) look at them. I used to fear being tired to the point that I sacrificed quality time with my mother late at night playing games (something I sometimes did, but I didn't let myself do often, and will now never get the chance to do so again), only to wake the next morning still tired. I used to rush so I wouldn't have to rush. I used to have a bad night's sleep and deem that day horrid because of it, or let myself be impatient with folks "because I was tired." I wouldn't be able to write, so I used to deem the day as a failure, or get really angry when life (or even friends) got in the way, like someone was stealing something from me.

Obviously, I still struggle some days. (In case you didn't realize, I am a human, imperfect, and require a certain about of R.E.M. sleep, rest, and nutrition to properly function. Flabbergasting, I know.) I am proud to say I don't usually let sleeplessness, lack of writing, etc, get me angry anymore. I do get angry, but... well, that's another post.

But while I am disappointed in how much I've written today (again, 150 words. One. Hundred. Fifty. One hunnit fiddy. [Y'all ever see that picture of that check, lol?]), and while I wish I had time to let my cats explore outside since the rain is abating, I have shown up to the page. I've done the work and the things I've committed to. I even stayed late at work some days this week to make room for the activities I had planned for today, and prepped to build in this time. And I did it. I got it done. I'm not behind. In fact, I'm 150 words ahead of where I'd be if I didn't stick to my guns and open my laptop (even though all I wanted to do was take a nap while the rain drizzled in my ear [but I couldn't because I'd taken a shower to remove the massage oils, and my hair was wet, and if you don't remember, I'm going on a date tonight, and if I sleep on wet hair, my hair will look dumb, so... no nap for me. Why we women gotta care so much? Because we like to look good. *eyeroll*).

Because of this, I am proud. Because of this, I am content. Because of this, I can take this lackluster mood I'm in and just... let it be what it is.

I think a lot of our issues stem from giving things too much credence (especially our emotions, which are EXTREMELY fickle).

Being lackluster when you expected to be joyous doesn't mean it was a bad day. What DOES ensure a bad day (and what ensures you have a GOOD day)? 

Choice.

You get to choose how you react and how things affect you, and so do I.

I read somewhere a long time ago that our emotional reactions, our true emotional reactions only biologically last about 90 seconds. (Is that true? I'd fact-check that...) Ninety SECONDS. Not the hours or days, or even the MINUTES we sometimes choose to give those emotions.

Anyway. I think I made my point.

When it comes to writing, when it comes to creating, when it comes to following through with the plans you made for yourself, when it comes to showing up to a workout, what matters isn't how you feel about it. It doesn't matter if the outcome is what you wanted it to be.

What matters is that you showed up. You did the work.

And that, my friends, makes today a great day.

May Jehovah Jireh bless your ventures, and may your outcomes always be fruitful, no matter how small you may think they are.

Very much looking forward to tomorrow's writing retreat. Eager to hear back from the one agent. Looking forward to sushi tonight (I know I'll wake up a bit once I get there).

Thanks for sticking around.

God bless,

Jess